Why is it that when a guy wants to insult a woman, he immediately goes for the fat cracks? In online dating, it’s true, you put yourself out there for whatever judgments might ensue. But I just don’t understand why some people go “there” when their feelings are hurt.
After having a few emails exchanged back and forth with a dude who said he lived in Philly but who was allegedly “finishing up business in Finland”, I decided to cease communication when said dude attached two very unflattering pictures of himself to his final email. His online dating profile had about five pictures, and in all of them he was wearing sunglasses and was shot from far away. He had sort of a lean, hot ex-soccer player with obnoxious sticking up straight hair, but he seemed to have the personality to pull it off. However, when he emailed me the two pictures the other day, I found myself completely appalled by what was on the screen. His eyes were a weird yellow color and he had the same kind of old man drunkard looking nose that one of my uncles had when I was little. Probably more about my own biological makeup than this man’s actual attractiveness, but nonetheless, I was no longer interested.
So, to be nice, I decided my best bet was to just not respond. Why write him back and say, “you know what’s a joke? Your face!” So, I chose to just disappear into an interdimensional vortex of comunicationless existance with Shmavin (which rhymes with his real name), to save him his ego.
And here we are, a week later, a beautiful Sunday afternoon, me playing scramble and minding my own damn business catching up on Project Runway, and what floats like a little chicken feather into my inbox? A note from Shmavin Uglyface Sunglasspants.
It read:
“So I finally just reread my email to you, the one which apparently resulted in me ceasing to exist in your world (albeit virtual), and it wasn’t even that bad!! It was matching your playfulness, which when coupled with the fact that it was a Friday night (for me), you still get put off? Weird, even for you..UNLESS, it was my pictures I attached! Well, that would be worse actually. Anyway, bummer! You and your eclecticisms certainly had potential! I would appreciate it if you could give me some feedback here, could you? Thanks. Later!”
And hahaha, silly little me thought, “hey well maybe this guy is thick skinned after all…he is in fact, asking for my feedback, he did hint at the possibility it could be those horrid pictures of himself that he stupidly attached, maybe I’ll nicely let him know I didn’t feel a spark after those pics turned my twat into the Sahara desert…attraction is subjective, and maybe he’ll just appreciate the honesty and that will be that. Yeah, closure sounds good, ok I will let him know.”
So, I naively sent him this email: To be completely honest, which is what you asked for, it was the pictures. You looked completely different than what you seemed to portray in your other pictures online. I had been picturing one thing, and now see another. I don’t think you’re a bad looking guy, just not someone I’m interested in dating. I’m really sorry, I know it’s probably hard to hear.
And of course, I get this reply: Wow! Surprisingly shallow, and premature (I mean how often do pictures really do justice to anyone in real life?) Your call though, and thanks for your honesty! Bye
“Ok, ok, the guy’s got a point, and wow he handled that pretty well”, I start thinking to myself. Until this little gem pops into my email like a zit on prom day:
Btw, just to reciprocate some ‘honest’ feedback to you, I’d drop the picture of you by the store…you look pretty big in that one, and it certainly doesn’t do justice to you being ‘athletic and toned’, nor does it match your physique in the other pics. Unless that’s how you look now.. in which case, thanks! Ok now this time goodbye for real: )
And oh yes, he kept sending his feedback. I’ll spare you. It got ugly. I sure wish you could block someone on gmail. And I sure wish I could post his pic here on my blog. Legally, I’m not sure that’s allowed.
The Saucy Single Life 